What Men Should Think About Before They Retire
In Summary: A practical and reflective guide for men approaching retirement, covering the things worth thinking about before leaving work, including identity, purpose, relationships, health, friendships, money, daily routine, where to live, and what life should look like after work…
Retirement sounds pretty good when you’re still working. No alarm going off, no daily commute, no rushing out of the house, or meetings that could have been emails, and no Sunday evening feeling that Monday is already waiting for you.
After thirty or forty years of working, the idea of finally having your time back can be incredibly appealing, and it should be, but there is another side to retirement that doesn’t get talked about nearly as much. Stopping work doesn’t just give you more free time. It changes the shape of your life.
For years, work has probably told you where to be, when to get up, who you will see and what you need to get done, but then suddenly, it doesn’t. You wake up on a Tuesday morning and nobody needs you anywhere. That can feel fantastic, and also feel strangely unfamiliar, which is why retirement is worth thinking about before you actually get there.
Having more time and knowing what you want to do with that time are two very different things.
What Are You Actually Going To Do With All That Time?
This is probably the first question worth asking yourself, and it’s surprisingly easy to avoid.
You might already have a long list of things you’ve been meaning to do. Fix the house, get back into shape, take up golf, finally read all those books you’ve bought. It sounds great, and some of those things probably will be great, but what happens when you’ve done them?
A few weeks of sleeping late, watching television and pottering around the house can be enjoyable, but after a while, though, you may start looking at the clock and wondering what you’re supposed to do with the rest of the day. That’s because work has probably provided more structure than you realise. You didn’t have to think about what Monday was for because Monday was for work, as was Tuesday, and Wednesday. Retirement takes that away.
You don’t need to replace work with another rigid schedule, but it helps to have some idea of how you want an ordinary week to feel, because retirement isn’t made up entirely of holidays and exciting plans. Most of it will be ordinary days, and learning to enjoy those days is a big part of getting retirement right.
Don’t Assume Retirement Will Be One Long Holiday
Travel is one of the first things people mention when they talk about retirement, and why wouldn’t it be?
If you’ve spent years saying, “We’ll go there one day,” retirement finally gives you the opportunity, but a holiday lasts a week or two, maybe a month, whereas retirement could last twenty or thirty years, and that’s a lot of ordinary mornings.
So it’s worth thinking about what life will look like when you aren’t travelling. What would make a normal Tuesday a good day? Where would you go? Who would you see? What would you spend a few hours doing? What would give you a reason to get out of the house?
These questions aren’t quite as glamorous as planning a trip to Italy, but they’re probably more important, because a satisfying retirement has to work on the days when nothing special is happening.
Think About What Work Has Given You Besides A Paycheque
This is something many men don’t think about until after they’ve retired. Work obviously gives you money, but it can also give you a lot of other things. It gives your week a rhythm, people to talk to, goals, a reason to leave the house, and a sense that your experience matters.
Perhaps you’ve spent thirty years becoming very good at what you do, people know you for it, and they come to you when something needs solving. Then one day, you walk away, and you may discover that what you miss isn’t actually the job, but being part of something, having somewhere to be, the people, and overall, the feeling of being useful.
That distinction is worth understanding before you retire. If work has been providing things that matter to you, start thinking about where you might find them afterwards.
Who Are You Without Your Job?
This one can be uncomfortable. For a lot of men, work becomes part of their identity without them ever consciously deciding that it should.
Someone asks, “What do you do?” And you answer with your job. “I’m an engineer” or “I’m in sales” etc. Whatever it is, you’ve probably said it thousands of times. So what happens when you retire? Suddenly, that answer disappears.
At first, you might enjoy saying, “I’m retired”, but eventually, you are left with a more interesting question. Who am I now?
That’s not necessarily a bad question, and in fact, it can be one of the most useful questions retirement gives you. You haven’t lost the person you were, your experience hasn’t disappeared, and nor have your abilities, but your job title is no longer doing some of the work of telling you who you are.
There is a whole part of your identity that may have been sitting underneath the career all along, and retirement gives you a chance to find out what that is.
What Happens To Your Social Life?
You might think you’ll automatically see more of your friends once you retire. Sometimes that happens, and sometimes it doesn’t.
A lot of social contact comes from work without us really noticing it. You see the same people every week, have conversations, lunch together, complain about the boss, talk about football, and even people you wouldn’t necessarily call friends become part of your social world.
Then you retire and that contact can disappear almost overnight. If most of your friendships have been built around work, your world can become much smaller than you expected, which is why it makes sense to think about this before you leave.
Who do you actually enjoy spending time with? Which friendships have you allowed to drift? Is there someone you keep saying you’ll call?
You don’t need to become the most social man in town, but having people around you matters, and friendships are easier to maintain when you make room for them before you need them.
Your Partner May Not Imagine Retirement The Way You Do
If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, retirement affects both of you, and you may discover that the retirement you’ve been imagining isn’t the retirement your partner has in mind.
You might picture long mornings together, travelling and enjoying more time at home, but she might have other ideas. Perhaps she wants to continue working, maybe she’s been looking forward to having time for her own interests, or she likes the fact that you currently have separate routines during the week.
None of this necessarily means there is a problem. You’re two people, and of course you won’t want exactly the same things, but these conversations are worth having before retirement rather than after it. Talk about money, travel, how you will spend your days, and talk about something couples often overlook: How much time do we actually want to spend together?
More time together can be wonderful, but neither person should feel as though they have lost their independence.
What Does Your Partner Expect When You’re Home Every Day?
There’s another part of this that can be easy to miss.
You may be thinking: “I’m finally free”, while your partner may be thinking: “He’s going to be here all day”, and those two thoughts can exist at exactly the same time.
If you’ve spent thirty years leaving for work every morning, your presence at home will change the household. You may suddenly notice things you’ve never noticed before, and your partner may have established routines that don’t include you. You may both need some time to work out a new rhythm, and it helps to talk about this openly.
You don’t need to do everything together simply because you’re both retired. Having separate interests, friends and routines can actually make being together more enjoyable. You have your own life, she has hers, and then you have the life you share. That balance can be important.
Are You Retiring From Something Or Towards Something?
This might be the biggest question to ask yourself before retirement.
Are you simply trying to get away from work? Or are you moving towards something you genuinely want?
There is nothing wrong with being fed up. You may have had enough of the pressure, spent years counting down the months, or you may simply be ready for a different life, but if all you can think about is what you want to escape, it is worth spending some time thinking about what comes next.
What are you moving towards? Maybe it’s more time with your family, volunteer, a business idea you’ve had in your head for years, or maybe you want to restore old cars, grow vegetables, learn photography or finally become reasonably good at playing the guitar. You might even just want a slower, simpler life, where you don’t have to run around any more.
It doesn’t have to sound impressive. It just needs to matter to you.
Don’t Put Your Health On The “I’ll Do It Later” List
Retirement can give you something you’ve probably been short of for years. Time.
Time to walk, exercise, cook and eat properly, sleep enough, or time to deal with the health issues you’ve been ignoring because there was always something else to do, but don’t assume retirement itself will magically make you healthier.
If you’ve spent years putting your health behind work and family responsibilities, start making changes before you retire. They don’t need to be dramatic. Walk and move more, eat better, sleep more, pay attention to things that don’t feel right, and if you’ve been putting off seeing a doctor about something that concerns you, don’t assume you’ll deal with it once you’re retired. Deal with it now.
Having free time is one thing, but having the health and energy to enjoy it is another.
Get Real About Money
Money is obviously an important part of retirement, but retirement planning isn’t just about asking whether you have “enough”, it’s also about knowing what your life is likely to cost.
For decades, you may have been focused on earning to pay the mortgage, bills, family, and save for the future. Retirement changes the equation. Your income may become more predictable, but you may also become much more aware of every pound or dollar you’re spending.
Some men find themselves becoming surprisingly cautious, as although they finally have the time to do the things they’ve dreamed about, they’re nervous about spending money because they don’t know how long it needs to last, which is why it helps to understand your financial situation before you stop working.
Know what income you expect, understand your regular expenses, think about larger costs that may come later, and have some idea of what you can comfortably spend.
You don’t need to turn your life into a spreadsheet, but financial uncertainty can take some of the enjoyment out of retirement. If you’re unsure about your own situation, getting professional financial advice can be sensible.
Where Do You Actually Want To Live?
For most of your working life, where you live may have been determined by practical things. The job was there, the children went to school nearby, the commute was manageable, the house affordable, but retirement can change those calculations.
If work wasn’t a factor, would you still choose the same place? Maybe you would, and maybe you love your home and your community, but perhaps you’ve always dreamed of living somewhere quieter, being closer to family, somewhere warmer, downsizing, or spending part of the year somewhere else.
These are worth thinking about, but there’s no need to make a huge decision immediately. You don’t have to sell the house on your first Friday of retirement. Sometimes it’s better to live your new life for a while and see what you actually want before making major changes.
What Happens When Your Children Don’t Need You In The Same Way?
Retirement often arrives around the same time that your relationship with your children is changing.
They have left home, with their own jobs, partners and families. They still need you, of course, but probably not in the same way they did when they were younger. You don’t stop being their father, but you’re no longer managing their everyday lives, and that can leave a strange space, but it can also create an opportunity.
You can spend time with your adult children without everything being about responsibility, and you can enjoy being their father without always having to fix something.
That’s a different kind of relationship, and it can be a very good and enjoyable one.
What Are You Still Curious About?
One of the great things about retirement is that you finally have time to follow interests that were always pushed to the bottom of the list.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn another language, study history, paint, fish, hike, or play in a band. It doesn’t have to become a business, and it doesn’t even have to become a serious hobby. You are allowed to be a beginner, and you are allowed to be bad at something, and to enjoy it simply because you enjoy it.
After years of measuring things by productivity, that can be surprisingly freeing.
Don’t Turn Retirement Into Another Job
There’s a funny thing that happens to some men after retirement. They retire from work and immediately create another full-time job for themselves.
The garage needs sorting, the garden needs fixing, the spare room needs decorating, the shed needs organising. There‘s always another project, and before long, you’ve created a list of responsibilities longer than the one you had when you were working.
Being productive isn’t a bad thing, but you don’t have to earn your right to enjoy retirement. Some days can be productive, while other days can be completely unremarkable. You can sit outside with a coffee, read the newspaper, take a walk without turning it into a fitness challenge, have a nap, and do absolutely nothing for an hour.
You’ve spent decades working, and you don’t need to justify every minute anymore.
Think About How You Want Your Life To Feel
Instead of only asking what you want to do, try asking something slightly different. How do I want my days to feel?
Maybe you want them to feel calmer, more adventurous, healthier, outdoors more, around family, creative, or maybe you simply want to stop feeling rushed all the time.
That question can tell you more than a list of retirement activities, because you’re not really planning a holiday, you’re deciding what kind of everyday life you want.
Don’t Make Ten Big Decisions In Your First Month
Retirement can make you feel as though you need to change everything.
You’ve been working for years, and now you’re free, so perhaps you should sell the house, move abroad, buy a motorhome, take up five hobbies, and completely reinvent yourself. Sometimes all at the same time! Maybe, but you don’t have to.
There is nothing wrong with taking your time, and trying things. See what you enjoy, and what you don’t. You can change your mind. The life you imagined before retirement may not be the life you actually want once you experience having that freedom, and that’s useful to discover. You don’t need to have everything worked out immediately.
Think About What You’ll Miss
It’s natural to focus on what you’re going to gain from retirement. Freedom, time, and less pressure, but what about what you’ll lose?
You might miss certain people, the office banter, having somewhere to go, being challenged, feeling useful, or being part of a team. You may even miss parts of the job you thought you couldn’t wait to leave. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision, but that work was part of your life. Understanding what you’ll miss can help you replace some of it.
If you enjoy helping people, find somewhere you can still contribute. If you enjoy learning, keep learning. If you enjoy working towards goals, give yourself some. If you enjoy being around people, don’t disappear into the house.
You don’t need your old job, but you may still need some of the things it gave you.
What Will Give You A Reason To Get Out Of Bed?
For most of your working life, this question was answered for you. The alarm went off, you got up, and went to work. There was somewhere to be.
Retirement means you get to choose. That sounds wonderful, but choice can also be a little overwhelming. You don’t need one enormous purpose that suddenly makes retirement meaningful. Sometimes it’s much simpler. A walk, breakfast with a friend, a project, visit to your children, a round of golf, going somewhere you’ve never been. Several small things can give a week a sense of purpose.
You don’t have to wake up every morning feeling inspired. You just need enough in your life that you don’t spend your days wondering what day it is.
Keep An Eye On Your Friendships
Many men say they’ll see more of their friends once they retire, but then retirement arrives and somehow the weeks disappear.
People have their own lives, some are still working, others have family commitments, while some friendships naturally become less frequent, wich is why it helps to start paying attention to your friendships before retirement.
Call someone and arrange a coffee, golf, or a couple of beers and football. Find something you enjoy doing with other people. Whatever it is, you don’t need dozens of friends. A few good relationships can make a huge difference, but they don’t maintain themselves, and you have to make the effort.
Give Yourself Permission To Change Your Mind
You don’t have to know exactly what retirement will look like before you retire.
You may love it, or you may miss work. You might want to work part-time, or discover that you enjoy volunteering, or find a new interest you never expected. That’s all part of it.
Retirement isn’t a test you either pass or fail. You don’t get one chance to design it perfectly. Your life can change as you discover what suits you.
The First Year May Feel Strange
Even if you’ve been dreaming about retirement for years, the reality can feel different.
You might wake up on a Monday morning and still feel as though you should be getting ready for work. You might feel wonderfully relaxed one day, bored later on, excited the next morning, and then feel a little lost by 11.30am, and sometimes all in the same week. That’s because you’ve just removed a major part of your routine.
Give yourself some time. Don’t decide that retirement is terrible because you had a miserable Tuesday in November, and don’t assume everything is perfect because the first two weeks felt like a holiday. You’re finding a new rhythm, and that takes time.
Retirement Doesn’t Have To Look Impressive
There is a strange amount of pressure around retirement. Travel the world, move somewhere exotic, buy the boat, live your best life, but what if you don’t want any of that?
What if your ideal retirement is much quieter? A coffee in the garden, a walk after lunch, time with your grandchildren, working on something with your hands, or just getting healthier, and sleeping better.
Having fewer things you absolutely have to do can be a good life too. You don’t need to impress anybody with your retirement.
Start Preparing Before Your Last Day At Work
You don’t have to wait until retirement to find out what you enjoy doing with free time. Experiment now.
Take a weekday off and see what you naturally do with it. Start a hobby, go for a walk in the morning. talk to your partner about what you both want, look properly at your finances, think about where you might want to live. Notice how you feel when nobody is telling you what you need to do.
You may learn something useful. Maybe the hobby you’ve been dreaming about doesn’t interest you after all, perhaps you discover that you love having a completely unstructured morning, or maybe you realise you need more social contact than you thought.
Better to find these things out before retirement than after.
What Do You Want The Next Twenty Years To Be About?
Perhaps this is the question underneath all the others.
Not: “When can I stop working?”
But: “What do I want the next part of my life to be about?”
You might have twenty years ahead of you, maybe more, and that’s a long time. You don’t need a detailed plan for every year, but it is worth thinking about what matters now.
Who do you want around you? How do you want to spend your time? What do you want to learn? What do you want to experience? What kind of person do you want to become? Retirement gives you something that working life often doesn’t give you in quite the same way. Choice.
Choice is wonderful, but it becomes much more useful when you have some idea what you actually care about.
Final Thoughts
Retirement isn’t simply the day you stop going to work. It’s the beginning of a different way of living.
Your routine changes, your social life may change, your relationship may change, and your sense of identity may change. Even your idea of what makes a day worthwhile can change, and that’s why retirement deserves more thought than simply asking whether you can afford it.
What will your mornings look like? Who will you spend time with? What will keep you interested? What will keep you moving? What will make you feel useful? What will give you something to look forward to?
You don’t need perfect answers, a five-year retirement plan, and you don’t need to turn retirement into another achievement to chase. You’ve spent enough of your life trying to prove something, and maybe this next stage can be simpler.
More time with people you care about, more attention to your health, more curiosity and new things, more freedom, and more ordinary days that you actually enjoy.
Retirement isn’t really about stopping work, it’s about deciding what you want your life to be when work is no longer deciding it for you, and that is something worth thinking about before you hand in your final notice.
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